i really am confused

confused of what to do nowadays.

i really dont know,

it just seems like, i am very stress. yup, very stress.

i dont know why. i dont know what i am stress for.

perhaps relationship?

perhaps, my family?

perhaps, school?

perhaps, hostel?

or perhaps, myself?

i have been wondering, what happen to me nowadays?

why cant i be happy when i feel like i want to?

everything just seems like,

somebody is take control of my body.

i have no one to vent out this anger.

seriously, i am really stress.

i cant shared it with my boyfriend.

because, i will get stucked at what i will be saying.

&& i am afraid that i will vent out my anger on him.

&& that will lead us to a quarrel.

i really dont know what to do.

even if i were to share with him,

he wont have the patient to listen to what i will say to him.

&& he will either say,

dont think too much.

or

aiya, wont de lah.

i really dont know, i feel very confuse.

like, 1 week i can only meet you 1 day which is on saturday.

yet, you still dont understand.

you yourself also say what.

if you really really fcuking miss me.

then you will come fetch me to school,

if not you wont.

what kind of thing is that?

what kind of word is that?

i know lah, to you it might be sat to say this kind of word infront of

YOUR FRIENDS.

but to me, you dont know what kind of feelings it will be.

because, you are not girl.

you dont know how i feel,

thats why when i am sad. you cant feel it.

dont you think that you are very selfish?

you kept saying i am selfish.

YES! i am selfish.

but at least i know what i want!

you say you fetch me whn you really miss me.

okay. then can you think for me?

how about when i really really miss you?

how about when i want you to fetch me?

what kind of same excuse you give me?

you think what? i really that lame to ask you come fetch me?

i can seriously tell you.

we are drifting apart, its true.

cause you no longer feel how much my heart hurts when you said those words.

&& frankly speaking, i feel that my friend knows me better

than you!

and ask yourself, why i suddenly will write diary?

because i feel that, no one really can listen to what i want to say.

&& what my heart want to say.

only my diary can quietly let me finish writing it all out,

without making any comment.

&& the only thing that i can say it out to.

&& no one knows only the 2 of us.

but do you notice it?

you dont.

perhaps, i am just a toy to you.

perhaps bah,

times goes people change.

Love ends @10:08 PM